Monday, April 9, 2012

Reflections

No fashion trend, outfit post or cosmetic review today.  And, let me warn you, it's a bit of a long-winded one.

Without going into too much detail, I have not been the most fun person to be around lately.  And without muttering a single word, those closest to me can see it.  They can see that I am not "me".  It is almost frightening to know that I showcase my emotions and feelings so outwardly.   I almost feel as though my new name should be Debbie Downer.  It doesn't have anything to do my my family or friends. In fact, if I did not have them, I would be a MEGA MESS.  I think it has more to do with me as a person and not being happy in some aspects of my life.   

I have always been a fun-loving, social, goofy, a little crazy, extroverted person.  Now, I feel like I am sort of just pretending to be "that" person because that's who everyone expects me to be. 

I think the biggest issue that I have been battling is figuring out who I AM.  Yes, I understand that I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, a friend and most importantly a mother, but who am I in the grand scheme of things? I think women get so caught up trying to do 100 different things and be readily available to so many people, that we sometimes lose our own identity.
(For the record, I think it's MUCH easier being a member of the male species!)

I have come to realize that I put too much pressure on myself and waste too much precious time sweating the small stuff.  It's a struggle that has consumed me for most of my life.  I will be the first to admit...I am a pretty high strung human being. 

This is where the past weekend comes into play...can I just say it couldn't have come at a better a moment in my life.  I whole heartedly believe God timed it perfectly. 

It was a weekend for reflections.

I was able to spend an entire day with my family out at Ross's family's ranch.  It sits on 88 acres and is in the middle of nowhere-ville.  I am not your typical country girl...in fact I prefer the city, but for some reason, I felt at complete peace there this weekend.  It was like my cares and worries from the prior week were lifted and gone.  Being there gave me the opportunity to remind myself that all the things that have been bothering me (mostly work) didn't really matter.  What I was doing, right then and there, was what mattered most...watching my girls catch fish in the pond, lounging in a hammock in the Spring breeze, eating an obscene amount of crawfish with my family and laughing as the kids dashed around during their Easter egg hunt.  This is what life is TRULY about...the SMALL things that turn into BIG things. 

Fast forward to Easter Sunday.  Our church was so blessed and crazy lucky to have Tim Tebow speak at service.  It has been all the buzz on ESPN and even made the front of MSN twice.  Ross and I have been looking forward to it for weeks.  Again, it could not have come at a better time or season in my life.  I know this sounds crazy, but I felt like Tebow was talking to me.  Do you ever get that feeling in church, like the sermon is being directed straight to you? Well, that is exactly how I felt.  He reminded us that we are ALL leaders and we are ALL role models.  Sometimes I forget that about myself.  Sometimes I feel like not a soul is listening.  Sometimes I feel like I don't have a place in this world. But, people are listening and I do have a place!



The biggest aha moment for me was when Tim Tebow shared his favorite quote,
"I don't know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future."

Yes, I believe that we all have control over our decisions and that we mold our future and destiny with the choices we make, but I also believe that He is the only one who holds the key and knows our true purpose.

So, after this loooooong winded post...here is my conclusion:

Life is not a walk in the park.  We all go through seasons of hardships.  We all fall.  We are all broken.  We all feel as though that we sometimes don't have a place in this world.  But, we all need to let go of things we cannot control and believe that God has plans for us...big or small.

Cheers to being blessed, loved and having a purpose...whatever it may be.



P.S. Thanks for listening. I am not even sure if anyone made it to the end of this ramble!



26 comments:

Fanciful. said...

Beautiful words my friend!! I sooo needed this too!! Glad you had a weekend of reflection and relaxation, you deserve it my precious friend!! Love you to pieces and thank you for sharing your heart!! XOXO, Jess

Head to Toe Chic said...

Shanna, I really loved this post because I've been feeling the exact same way, and its definitely been rough. I just have to remember that He is watching over me and has a plan for me :) A relaxing weekend always helps!

Xo,
Angela
Headtotoechic.blogspot.com

Always Maylee said...

What a lovely post! Sometimes you just need some down time to reflect, glad you were able to get that!

xo, Yi-chia
Always Maylee

Andi said...

I think we all go through those seasons of feeling a little off. Thanks for sharing! :-)

Marie Martell said...

I made it to the end! Wow, so beautiful and well written. Shannon this was your purpose, to bless those who may have been feeling down and did not know how to express it. YOU helped them and me. God always has a purpose and a plan for u.. Thank you.

xo Marie
http://nyorkeratheart.blogspot.com

Emma said...

Shanna, this was so well written and I can totally and completely relate. As you know, I have been going through a little "off" stage in my life and I think sometimes we just need to be reminded again that everything will be ok. That we will be ok...especially if we aren't feeling completely like ourselves. It's a wonderful feeling to know that God has us in the palm of His hand no matter what. You are a wonderful, strong, and beautiful woman!! Thanks for writing this post.

XO

Emma said...

Oh, and also...Tim Tebow?! At your church?! Wowza.

It's crazy how messages at church hit so close to home at the right time. The big man upstairs clearly knows what we need to hear, when we need to hear it ;)

Morgan Stone said...

This brought tears to my eyes. It's so true that it's so easy to get lost in the every day happenings of life and to lose hold of who you truly are. I completely know what you mean when you feel like the sermon is speaking directly to you, and I am so happy that God blessed you with that moment. Thank you for sharing this beautiful post! xoxo, morgan

ms.composure said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!!
i def had a weekend of reflection! it is nice to realize all the great things we do have

http://infinitelifefitness.com
http://mscomposure.blogspot.com

The Sweet Life said...

Great post!!!!! I can totally relate except from the opposite side of the track. I'm from a big family and all but 1 of my siblings, who happens to be my little brother, is married with children. I sometimes feel like I can't relate at big family functions bc I'm the single little gal feeling sad that she doesn't have a family to share these special moments with. Actually my mom called us all out front for individual family pics and I said under my breath....oh so you want a pic of a me and coral.

I believe 100% in Gods timing but I am so ready to meet mr right and start a family of my own.

Back to my point, I feel like I am constantly struggling to remain true to who I am and not what other expect me to be. I'm so glad that you had a chance to regroup this weekend. It really makes all the difference!

Happy Monday love!

Sarah Stright said...

I hope that you're on a path now to figuring out who you are. It sounds like a wonderful weekend. I have definitely gone through the "who AM I?" phase, and being on the other side feels so good.
Sarah
www.comingunstitched.com

Anonymous said...

Love this- love you! I think it was no accident that you and I ended up in "that class" together! Lol God new that we need each other to inspire one another and to push each other to keep going and you definately do that for me! God Bless You my Beautiful Sister in Christ! Isn't it nice to know we will be friends for eternity!!

Tracy M.

Katie said...

I LOVE this! and I love that quote. I'm so thankful that God holds our future. and while I know those times of reflecting and thinking about what God desires for our lives can be exhausting, it is exciting to know he is working in you!!

Ham16 said...

Amen Sister! I too know the feeling...you are not alone! I'm glad you had a peaceful moment this weekend to reflect on everything you have and want in life, but especially what is most important. That is amazing that you got to see Tebow, I heard it was an amazing sermon! I did not realize that was your church. I too feel like sometimes a sermon was the exact thing I needed at that moment. Loved your post and love you too!

Heather said...

Aw I hear ya girl... But it's ok to feel that way, and it takes a strong woman to admit that sometimes we don't have it all together. In fact it would be sorta depressing if we did - there would be no room for growth or improvement - and that's what life is all about :)

XO
www.pearlsandpaws.blogspot.com

Bonnie said...

It is so important to have a day or a weekend filled with reflections. Self-reflection is how we grow as human beings. I took one (or three ...) of those days last week, and it really helped me.

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

jessica said...

We are such kindred spirits! I've been going through so many of the same things. I'm so glad you shared that quote, I really needed that! You are so right, sometimes its so much easier to get carried away doing the XYZ list of 100 things and just completely for get who the true 'me' is that defines me outside of those to-do lists. Thank you so much for writing this! You definitely do have a place, and a voice, this blog! :)

Just Another Shopaholic said...

What a beautiful post. I enjoyed reading this.

Dee {Strings and Buttons} said...

Oh I made till the end of the "ramble" alright and a ramble it's not. Your words are from the heart and they speak to a lot of us out here. It's so funny but there are so many days where I feel the exact same thing and then slowly come back to realize and acknowledge that there is a plan for all of us. Just have to keep the faith. Thanks for this- it truly made my morning. x

Karen said...

I think we all feel that way sometimes. :). And...Tim Tebow at your church... So awesome!

EverythingPrettyGirls said...

What a wonderful post! I feel like we are always trying to figure out who we are... life is always changing, and so are we. I really love, love, this post. And so cool that Tim Tebow came to your church! what a special treat.

Erica [pocket full of chuckles] said...

love this post. i think you're right, we as women always have a million things to do and on our mind that it is so easy to get lost along the way. you are a strong woman and you're not alone. everything will work itself out!

Simply Sarah said...

love this - I've felt exactly the same lately so it was nice to hear I'm not alone <3 Keep your chin up, there's a light at the end of the tunnel!

Girls Love Fried Pickles said...

You know this was indirectly an outfit post. You had some fabulous shoes!

Object of Maya*ffection said...

Amen Sista!! I am right there with ya! I too have been trying to figure out WHO I am meant to be....WHAT I am to be and putting incredible pressures on myself (nobody else does that to me, I do it to myself). If you figure out the secret, do share!

Andrea {blonde ambitions} said...

What an amazing post! Definitely needed to read this today and needed help remembering that we are not in control but rather God. Thank you for following my blog, I am excited to follow along with you as well! Nice to "meet" more Texas gals! :)

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