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Top: TJ Maxx (option) (option) | Skirt: TJ Maxx (option) (option) | Shoes: Forever 21 (option) (option) | Necklace: Sam Moon (option) (option)
Since my top is splattered with anchors, I thought it would be fitting to chat about a huge struggle I am having in my life, anchoring balance.
Let's start with a simple definition.
The words that stand out to me are "even", "steady" and "not fall". Well, folks, this definition does NOT describe me in the slightest, at least at the present time. I don't know how or when it happened, but when it comes to Monday through Friday, I have completely and utterly lost all balance in my life.
I tend to focus my attention on a hundred "things" instead of zoning in on the handful that really matter. I have always been the type of person that has to be busy. I don't like being bored and it drives me crazy when I don't have an agenda or things to accomplish. I need to be moving and shaking. You will very seldom find me on the couch watching television. I can't even focus long enough to watch a half hour show because I would sit there thinking about all the things that I need to do; family and friends I need to call back, the girls homework, blog posts, spending time with Ross, styling appointments, genuine family time and most importantly moments with the Lord.
Then I look at the clock, it's almost midnight and I feel as if I didn't do half the things I told myself I was going to check off my imaginary to-do list.
I have been extremely disappointed in myself lately. There are so many areas in my life where balance is no where in sight. I have fallen off my tight rope, tipped over my canoe and twisted my ankle in a high heel.
Let me give you a glimpse in what I mean:
As a wife:
There are so many evenings that Ross and I don't get to spend "quality" time with one another because of the kids, his work, my work or just because we are both so tired. We definitely fall short when it comes to one-on-one date nights. And sadly, sometimes I forget to even ask him how is day was because, well, my mind is being pulled in a million directions. And the worst part is that he will do something special and it goes unappreciated. Example, I was out running some errands, I came home to a clean kitchen (it was disastrous when I left) and forgot to express a simple thank you. Ross is no sissy, but it hurt his feelings (kinda) that I didn't even acknowledge that it was picked up. Strike one of many.
There are so many evenings that Ross and I don't get to spend "quality" time with one another because of the kids, his work, my work or just because we are both so tired. We definitely fall short when it comes to one-on-one date nights. And sadly, sometimes I forget to even ask him how is day was because, well, my mind is being pulled in a million directions. And the worst part is that he will do something special and it goes unappreciated. Example, I was out running some errands, I came home to a clean kitchen (it was disastrous when I left) and forgot to express a simple thank you. Ross is no sissy, but it hurt his feelings (kinda) that I didn't even acknowledge that it was picked up. Strike one of many.
Being a mom:
I love my girls more than anything in this world and they deserve my attention as much as possible. They will only be little for a short time. Then in a blink of an eye, they will be too "cool" to hang with mom. So, why in the world do I not spend 100% of my time with them when they are home and with me? I don't have the answer. The right answer, I suppose. I guess it goes back to me filling up my plate with more than I can handle. I do try to spend my weekends and evenings with them. We go to the park, we play games and always do a least a few fun things on the weekends, but for some reason I still feel guilty. Guilty because I am not a parent volunteer, forgot it was pajama day at school last week, didn't sell as many Girl Scout cookies as the other moms did, feed my kids cereal for dinner sometimes or them not being involved in as many extracurricular activity as their friends are. Again, the list goes on when it comes to the guilt of not being able to balance time and energy with my own flesh and blood.
I love my girls more than anything in this world and they deserve my attention as much as possible. They will only be little for a short time. Then in a blink of an eye, they will be too "cool" to hang with mom. So, why in the world do I not spend 100% of my time with them when they are home and with me? I don't have the answer. The right answer, I suppose. I guess it goes back to me filling up my plate with more than I can handle. I do try to spend my weekends and evenings with them. We go to the park, we play games and always do a least a few fun things on the weekends, but for some reason I still feel guilty. Guilty because I am not a parent volunteer, forgot it was pajama day at school last week, didn't sell as many Girl Scout cookies as the other moms did, feed my kids cereal for dinner sometimes or them not being involved in as many extracurricular activity as their friends are. Again, the list goes on when it comes to the guilt of not being able to balance time and energy with my own flesh and blood.
When it comes to family:
I used to talk to my mom every single day on my drive into work...when I worked at an office and before she retired. We still talk almost every day, but the conversations are less lengthy. My mom has been super sick this week and I completely spaced on calling yesterday to check to see if she was okay. We used to travel back home at least once a month, now it's more like once every 2-3 months. My parents aren't getting any younger and I need to make an honest effort to talk to and see them every chance I get. I need to call my sister. My brother called 4 days ago and I still have yet to talk to him. I found out on freaking Facebook that my niece is in the hospital with pneumonia. I feel really rotten after this paragraph
I used to talk to my mom every single day on my drive into work...when I worked at an office and before she retired. We still talk almost every day, but the conversations are less lengthy. My mom has been super sick this week and I completely spaced on calling yesterday to check to see if she was okay. We used to travel back home at least once a month, now it's more like once every 2-3 months. My parents aren't getting any younger and I need to make an honest effort to talk to and see them every chance I get. I need to call my sister. My brother called 4 days ago and I still have yet to talk to him. I found out on freaking Facebook that my niece is in the hospital with pneumonia. I feel really rotten after this paragraph
My friendships:
This is where I have gotten way off-kilter. Between my blog, my business and being a mom and wife, my IRL friendships have faltered. I can feel the disconnect from some of my best friends in the entire world. I have so many calls to return, emails that have gone unanswered and the worst one...forgetting about a lunch date with an old friend yesterday. Talk about wanting to cry. I am the type of person who would rather text than chat over the phone. This is bad and I blame it all on technology. I choose typed words over real life conversations. It's not good people. It's not good. I know I am not the only one out there dealing with this. We need real, live conversations in our lives. Real laughs. Real voices. Real dialogue. How did I get here? I told myself I would NEVER lose touch with my girls, but sadly it is happening. I plan on being better.
This is where I have gotten way off-kilter. Between my blog, my business and being a mom and wife, my IRL friendships have faltered. I can feel the disconnect from some of my best friends in the entire world. I have so many calls to return, emails that have gone unanswered and the worst one...forgetting about a lunch date with an old friend yesterday. Talk about wanting to cry. I am the type of person who would rather text than chat over the phone. This is bad and I blame it all on technology. I choose typed words over real life conversations. It's not good people. It's not good. I know I am not the only one out there dealing with this. We need real, live conversations in our lives. Real laughs. Real voices. Real dialogue. How did I get here? I told myself I would NEVER lose touch with my girls, but sadly it is happening. I plan on being better.
Blogging dedication:
I have always been the one to respond to every person that stops by my blog, but lately I just can't catch up. This is something I don't plan to change. You guys, I do see and read every single comment. I just am physically unable to connect with every person who stops by. To me this is one of the easiest ways to eliminate some stress. I will continue to comment back or respond to the best of my ability, but there comes a point where you have to pull back a little and focus more on the things stated above. I love all of you and know that if it weren't for you, loyal readers, I would not be where I am at today.
Christianity:
I go to church most every Sunday. I listen tentatively to the sermon. I pray. I am a follower and believer of our Lord and Savior. Where I need work is His word. I do not read the Bible. I haven't opened one in I don't know how long. I am ashamed to say that. I also close my eyes several times a week without giving Him one ounce of glory. How is this so? He has provided abundantly to me, yet I can go about my day without recognizing Him even once. It's not where I want to be. I am embarrassed and have no excuse except that I seem to find things in this world that are more important and deserve more of my attention. Last night, for the first time in years, Ross and I held hands in bed and prayed out loud together. It was the best feeling and connection I have had in a long time. It made me want more and is what prompted this entire post.
So, are you struggling trying to figure out how to balance all of your acts? How do you fit it all in? How do you manage your time and focus? How in the world do you get it all done without a catastrophic melt down?
I believe this is something every person, man or woman, can relate to. It's something we all need to stop and think about. At the end of the day, what is MOST important to you?
After writing this post, I taught myself a valuable lesson. Balance is what holds you up. Focus on the "balance" that won't let you fall to the ground. I have a feeling that your "balance" is just like mine, people. Don't caught up in the hustle and bustle of "tasks". Take time to make that personal connection, don't forget about that lunch date with an old friend and spend time with the ones who mean the most to you. All the other stuff is just fluff, but family, friends and God are the glue that hold everything together.
If you made it to the end....thank you for sticking around. I have been pretty winded lately.
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